Tuesday, October 31, 2023
Today I want to talk about being a woman, more specifically, what it is like to be a woman of a certain age today. Things are changing, thank God, and people are talking about what happens to a woman in ways like they never have before. But let’s be real here, many women in their 50’s today grew up in a culture where aging was not discussed, older women just simply faded from public view. Growing up there was little to no talk about emotions, bodies, and certainly not hormones in my house! I know that is not the case for everyone, but I have to believe it was that way for more than just me. The only thing I knew about hormones (and didn’t really know it was about hormones) was every so often the question would be posed, was my mother was due for her shot. It was kind of a joke I didn’t really get at the time and now that I do get it, So Not Funny. There are so many things from my childhood and adolescence I did not really think about but now I am thinking, wow, we thought that was ok.
On that note, let’s talk about Barbie. Let me start by saying I played with Barbies and I did not keep them from my daughter. They were never really her thing so I guess I did not have to think too much about them. Obviously Barbie’s proportions and perky attitude were ridiculous, but I guess I just didn’t get any deeper than, it’s a toy. I was certainly not thinking of the social implications. A few weeks ago I mentioned that I wanted to see the Barbie movie and the woman next to me looked at me as if I had slapped her. Just went on to explain that she did not agree with the messages and expectations that Barbie sent to little girls. I told her I kind of thought that was the point of the movie. To address the image of Barbie. She was not swayed and was no longer interested in conversing with me. Ce la vie! Last week I finally had the opportunity to watch the Barbie Movie. There was a lot there, so much that I was kind of speechless after it was over. I needed a beat to process it, and I am planning to go back and watch it again to grab the moments I missed the first go around. The timing for me was right on and America Ferrera’s monologue hit me square in the chest. In the speech she talks about how hard it is to be a woman and if that speech does not take your breath for a moment I’d be shocked. I want to share an excerpt that I think applies to where I am in life.
“...You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.
I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us…”
I thought about that speech and Gloria’s precarious relationship with her daughter on a loop in my head for several days. As I typed that sentence tears welled in my eyes. If I was my mother, someone would be telling me I need a shot! Life is hard for everyone. I am not saying it is not or that one person's struggle is harder than another’s. I am just saying that being a mom and a woman of this age is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. And I have a great life! I am totally aware and grateful for my blessings. I have two beautiful children and a wonderful husband. But I am tired. Although I knew it was coming, menopause rocked my mind as well as my body. Should I accept growing old and not worry that my clothes no longer fit the same or at all. Is that the strong feminine way of doing it? Or should I be making a call to the plastic surgeon. Much like Gloria’s speech, there is no right answer. No matter what I choose to do, someone will be there with a judgment. I will have given up and “let myself go” or become “so superficial” depending on who is passing judgment on my choices. The reality is that no matter what stage of life you are in or who you are, some people will always pass judgment, and our job is to keep working to get to a place where we don’t let what anyone thinks impact our choices. The only choice is the one that resonates for you.
If you would like to read the entire speech, follow the link below to people: https://people.com/read-the-powerful-barbie-monologue-about-being-a-woman-that-america-ferrera-performed-30-to-50-times-7565806
Wow, that was a lot and I did not even mention the body image controversy or the difficulty and blessing of being the mom of a young adult! I will save that for another day. Staying on topic, the question at hand is how do I figure out how to age right? I think the first thing to get straight in my head is that THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY TO AGE! (Just like there is no one way to parent, wash the car, or anything really.) The next thing is to talk to people that understand what is happening to you. Last weekend I was blessed with a visit from a very dear friend, also of a certain age. Over the course of the weekend we had some honest conversations about some of the difficulties and emotions we were dealing with and how tired we were. The effects of just having the conversation and then some laughs about it were incredible. The things we used to do to boost our energy or drop a few pounds just don’t work anymore. We decided to combine our knowledge, come up with a plan, and be each other’s support system. No judgment, no right way, just a starting place and a sharing of information.
I have never been a “fitness” person, more of a casual exerciser. My friend on the other hand
used to be a “hard core fitness” lady. I love to cook and have tried every diet/eating plan that I have come across. My friend was the queen of dining out back in the day and is now starting to cook at home more often.
Neither of us wanted to go on a “diet” or spend hours in a gym. We didn’t want to work towards a number on a scale. We just wanted to feel better, have more energy, and be able to fit into our clothes. We wanted a plan we could do together even though we lived on different sides of the country. So one morning I pulled all my healthy living and cooking books together and she pulled up all the trainers she follows online. We sat in my kitchen and chose an online training program that would work for both of us. Then we sifted through what we already know about how menopause affects us and created an eating style that we thought might work to start out with. We created a shared Pintrest board with sections for recipes, workouts, articles, books, you name it so we can easily share new information with each other. We decided to give our plan a full month before we evaluated it. At the end of each month we will talk about what is working and what is not. Then we can make small adjustments until we each find something that works for each of us individually.
We started yesterday. I know this is only day two, but I feel really excited. Not so much about where I am going, but that I am not going alone anymore. I think that is the point. No matter what you are going through, there is someone out there dealing with something similar. Finding allies and resources are the first step to figuring out any struggle. If my stream of consciousness resonates with you I would love to connect. You can share your thoughts in the comment section or head over to the Coffee Clutch and join a conversation there. Either way I wish you a day of peace and no judgment!
Here are some resources to get you started. Not everything is for everyone. Look for what resonates for you!
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